for real this time

we made it to church yesterday morning. we're those 8 o'clock people. waylon did great. slept through the whole thing, which is really incredible because if you've ever been to church of the highlands, you know that it is about as quiet as...something. a really loud concert in a closed arena. i mean, it is loud. as a matter of fact, it hurts my hears sometimes. i don't know how he did it. there are times when the message alert on my phone or a little sniffle wakes him up. maybe he was asleep in the spirit. by the way, speaking of hurting my ears, i told joey that i have to unfocus my ears when things hurt them like that. he didn't know what i was talking about. you know? how you can sort of tighten something in your head and whatever was hurting your ears is suddenly not so loud anymore? same thing i do when W is doing that tongue-curling, tonsel-rattling, this-must-be-death scream. joey has to put him down and walk away. me? i just unfocus my ears. come to find out, my ears move when i do it, so it must be like wiggling your ears. try it. if you're doing it right, there will be a little white noise, much like the ocean in your head. peaceful.

anyway, there was a guest speaker at church, which i was not excited about. not that 'chris hodges is my homeboy.' as a matter of fact, there are some things he says that i don't necessarliy agree with and mom and i recently discovered that he is actually recycling stories. slack. but usually the guest speakers are tremendously less interesting and often even more disagreeable. but, yesterday's guy was fantastic. he was dynamic and funny and not that loud...and he had some good, biblically-sound things to say. his message was on giving. i am now fully convinced that the holy spirit speaks directly to me during sermons about giving. true confession: i don't. give, that is. i want to more than you know. but for some reason, well actually lots of made up, shallow reasons, i don't. things like: we're on one salary now and things are tight; i will when i have some extra money; i know i have extra money, but i really need another puffy vest/pair of boots/jacket/fill-in-the-blank. there are lots of them. i have extensive conversations with myslef about wanting and needing to give and why i don't. what's funny, and this is not official, but i'm pretty sure gift-giving is one of my 'love languages.' i really love buying christmas and birthday gifts that are thoughtful and meaningful (yet inexpensive). i love love purging my things and giving them away (so there is more room to buy new things, no doubt). i have been on several mission trips (the kind where 'you get more than the people you came to serve') where i've visited nursing homes and mental health clinics, ghettos and homeless shelters and african villages so remote they didn't make the map. i've shown up with warm coats and hot food, inspiring songs and hopeful words, modern medicine and friendly smiles and hugs. i have given lots to lots of people who need. but for some reason, i have never tithed. that's right NEVER. i don't know why. i always wanted to have my own personalized offering envelopes, but never did.
the sermon, more or less, reitterated the fact that GOd blesses abundantly those who give, not just tithe. he talked about the difference between tithing and giving: tithing is returning to God what is His anyway; giving is in addition to tithing. so, i'm for real this time. i really am ready to act on my convictions. joey and i are so blessed. i mean we have a LOT of stuff, not necessarily high-dollar, super valuble stuff. but we have a lot. way more than we need and really more than we want. we are always talking about cleaning out and purging our hoards. well, this time i'm for real. i'm ready to give it away..and then some. more than that, i am so ready to tithe. i don't know what to do about all that i have kept from God over the years by not tithing. i feel so guilty about that (i guess that's conviction). i'm ready to live a new life with less me and more God..and more other people. hold me to it.