in and of continued

A point was made. I took it. Please please, be not mistaken. I am not judging those sweet high school cheerleaders. They don't know any better... ;) I am merely proposing a challenge - to them and to all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. And setting this massive weight on the world wide web (and in your minds) instead of continuing to carry it along on my own shoulders - venting my thoughts. Maybe I was trying to open up a hearty discussion as well.

God, on the other hand, is The Judge. He does and He will.

That being said, I told you already that not a day goes by that I am not reminded of this battle. This is a good thing, I think - the Holy Spirit's work in me. This very morning I am reading Hebrews 12:14, which says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord." This is what I have grappled with and come to start to understand.

And then... a new word from the Lord!! An answer to my questions and constant debate... An ah-ha, if you will. It comes from Oswald Chambers' daily devotion for today in his book My Utmost for His Highest (which I can not get enough of. If you are looking for a daily, it is amazing.) He writes, poetically and profoundly:

Most of us live only in the level of consciousness - consciously serving and consciously devoted to God. This shows immaturity and the fact that we are not yet living the real Christian life. Maturity is produced in the life of a child of God on the unconscious level, until we become so totally surrendered to God that we are not even aware of being used by Him... A saint is never consciously a saint - a saint is consciously dependent on God.

So you see, this is my battle. I am not passing it on to anyone else. I am searching for a clue and today one was strategically placed in my lap. I do not consider this an excuse to live carelessly or without thought to my actions and their effects on others, especially non-believers. I do, however, consider this a call to focus more on my own surrender and dependence on God and less on my less-than-holy actions. From what I understand, a conscious and complete dependence produces an unconscious Christ-likeness - the closer I am to Him, the more I will be like Him. And thank goodness, because consciously trying to be like Christ has only gotten me so far. The natural ugliness of my heart is a chameleon, disguising itself as irresistible worldlinesses that I can not help but fall for, left to my own inadequate strength. So one part of my answer is here: use His strength; count on His power; have faith in His unfailing...unfailing love and boundless grace in every part of my every day (grocery-shopping and driving, wifing and mothering) and I CAN NOT fall.

I am sure this is something I have heard before, maybe even written about... But today I heard it. And I get it. Praise.