in and of the world: part 2

No comments on part 1, huh? I'm surprised. Did I offend? Not offend enough?

So, part 2 has more to do with me and my battle with being in this world and not of this world. What a bear. What a huge struggle for me. This is one of the most challenging issues that I live out daily. And because you probably know me, you are probably wondering why, because I am not so much a "worldly" person from the world's point of view. God's point of view is a little different.

I have been met with the challenge, in my face, on several occasions lately...something I can only interpret as the voice of God repeatedly fighting for my attention, muffled by my full life. The problem is that I am so comfortable here, in my life, in my little world. And I am not called to be comfortable. I am called to be uncomfortable and different. I am not. I want to be, but I fail miserably.

(The further into this I get, the more convinced I am that I have touched on this before...)

A wise Lolly told me the other day that if the world is ok with who you are and the way you are living and what you are doing, then who you are, the way and the what, are not ok with God.

smack!!

How profound. And how true.

Charles Spurgeon writes it like this: If we were more like Christ, we would me more hated by His enemies. It is a sad dishonor to a child of God to be the world's favorite. It is very dangerous to hear a wicked world clap its hands and shout, "Well done!" to the Christian. He should begin to look to his character and wonder what he has been doing wrong, when the unrighteous give him their approval. Let us be true to our Master and have no friendship with a blind and evil world which scorns and rejects Him. Far be it from us to seek a crown of honor where our Lord received a crown of thorns.

smack!!

But who wants to be hated? Who wants to be rejected or scorned? Who doesn't want to be the life of the party, liked by all? Ms Popularity? Class favorite? Friendliest? Ms Congeniality?

Jesus was hated. Despised. Mocked. Cast out. Crucified.

No fun, right? That's what Satan keeps reminding me. How easy it is to live like everyone else lives, keeping in the back pocket of your mind that when you die you will go to heaven and wondering if they will or not. How foolish. But what does it look like to be "not of the world?" Does this involve fewer possessions? More conservative clothing? More giving? More volunteering? Softer speech? Slower driving? An evangelistic license plate? More cheerful greetings? I mean, if Jesus were here today (though we know he is, in fact...I mean a walking, talking, in-the-body person) what would he live like? Would he be homeless? Wear the same outfit day after day? No cell phone? No computer? No Facebook account? No tattoos? Long, scraggly hair? Live on minimal food? Give away everything he didn't absolutely need to survive? Never spend money frivolously? Surely he would be all these things (maybe not. I don't know. That's why I'm asking.) But is this what I should do??

I mean, the goal is to be different, right? Well, there is NOTHING about me that would make someone who had never spoken a word to me or even some of the people I see on a regular basis know without a doubt that I belong to Christ. Not a thing. I dress like the world. Drive like the world. Eat like the world. Spend like the world. And, what's crazy is that I am so much more "conservative" than a lot of other proclaimed-Christians that I know. (I'm stopping there. This is not about you. It's about me. You know if you live "of the world"because the Spirit's told you so. You're just ignoring it like me.)

I just don't know what to do. This eats me. I think about it all the time, yet I do nothing differently. Now that is foolish. What's worse is that I can't even be a consistently Godly wife and mother. (True, this is indeed much harder than being a Godly grocery-shopper or driver.) I am so ashamed at the spectacles that I make based completely on myself and my own agenda. I fail my husband on a daily basis to live out Christ to him. And my son...my greatest ministry ever and I let opportunities to be Christ to him slip out of my frustrated, impatient hands.

But, ah the grace. Praise the Lord that he is faithful to be the God that he is when I fail. I am ever more awed by his goodness and his love. My prayer and hope is that every person I meet, from bagger boy and waitress to husband and son, will know Him because of me...or will at least see him because they have seen me. Oh, the burden of my heart!

I am going back to the Salon next week. Four hours a day, two days a week, eight total hours in an ideal place to be a black sheep (or a white sheep, depending on how you look at it ;) ). I am anxious for all the reasons I've already listed. I worked there before for two-plus years and failed everyone I worked with, clients I talked with, my self and my God to be light and salt. I wanted to be liked and loved and funny and cool... and I was, to my detriment. My earnest prayer is that this time will be different...I'll be different. I feel different, a little over a year since I left. But the testing is yet to come.

Oh, that the Lord would make me like Him; that He would break my heart for what breaks His; that I would see people the way He sees them; that I would be different enough to be cast out, as painful as it may be.

Praise Him that though I fail, "underneath are the everlasting arms" (Deuteronomy 33.27).