addendum

One more thing I told those girls...

You really know more than you give yourself credit for. What are you really feeling? What do you really think? I was born to be Waylon's mother. Every part of my life leading up to him has been in preparation for him. There were so many times...and really still are... that my instinct (some call this the Holy Spirit ;)) tells me to do or not do one thing or another. And there have been so many times that I have denied it in order to stick to something I had read. Follow your lead. Listen to yourself. You feel and think those things for a reason.

Also, I tend to think in extremes. I am so afraid that if one aspect of our day gets off track that the whole day will fall apart, which leads to the next day falling apart and then the whole week is out of whack, which makes the month rather shakey and the next thing you know, Waylon's in therapy because his whole life has been so out of control. Like the demise of a house of cards... or Jenga. This has been the spark of more than one anxiety attacks for me. I am short of breath as I type. I think this is really why I haven't left Waylon for longer than an hour yet...his whole life. I am beyond blessed to not HAVE to leave him, and I don't WANT to leave him.

I think it was Thoreau that said, 'Our truest life is when we are in dreams, awake.'

Let me reiterate. This is it for me.